Bad Salesman
(Issue #11 - 2004-05-17)
Good lord, am I a bad salesman.
I threw away old inventory this weekend. Thousands of CDs and records that no-one is ever going to buy. The Jocks, Hers Never Existed, d.b.s., the Enemies, etc. They are all great CDs that I really believe in and poured all of my energy in to, but I just can’t sell them.
It was sort of liberating too, to finally own up to it. I am a bad salesman. I suck at getting people interested in buying my music, the music I believe in, not to mention my abilities as a computer programmer. Nothing really nails that coffin closed like an entire 30-gallon trash can full of CDs with another 30-gallons’ worth in the hallway.
It’s not all bad to be a bad salesman. With the exception of my roommate, who is a very reluctant salesman, I don’t generally like good salesmen. I find them pushy and fake. I can’t stand the constant intrusion of advertising and sales pitches in my life, and I have a lot of reservations about being a part of it. I send out spam, sort of, once in a while, and I am burdened with anxiety about offending people each time I do it.
Still, it is hard to have only one measure of success in the eyes of the public and to be so abject a failure in that regard. As a record label, I have put out some of my favorite music. I have helped people who might not have been able to do it to have their music recorded and printed. As a member of several bands, I’ve helped to write music that I enjoy, that has often been enjoyed by other people. Once in a while, I’ve even been party through my bands to events that have truly changed peoples’ lives. As a software developer, I have made a lot of really interesting, cutting edge software. Much of it is free and serves the general public: the new disorder email system, byofl.org, the hbl timetool and some others too esoteric to really explain.
As much as I’d like to reassure myself that these things are rewarding on their own, I feel tremendous pressure to somehow make them financially successful. There is pressure from the world at large, as well as the simple pressures of never being certain that I’ll have enough money to pay my rent.
Good salesmen are friends with everyone and loyal to none. I am friends with virtually no-one, which somewhat hinders my chances to prove my loyalty as well. I still believe that there is a place in the world for collective cooperation. I think that art should be mostly shared and free. I believe that no one is a self made man, that we only achieve anything by cooperation. These sorts of sissy ideas will never cut it in the marketplace. I am a terrible salesman.
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